i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
