Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
