If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
