my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
barbara walters just said penis...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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