he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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