i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
false alarm, still single
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