This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
