dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize