The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
