is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The feeling are messing with the penis
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
