i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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