I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
