Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
