I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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