She went from zero to smokin in five shots
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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