perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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