I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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