he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
where are my eyebrows?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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