Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
