Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
