I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We got so high we made milksteak
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
