she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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