So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
