i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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