there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
