That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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