I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
