we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
