Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
