I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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