Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
