God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
