Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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