I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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