Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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