Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
