my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
