I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry my hands just texted you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
