The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
