if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
