he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
its not stalking. its research.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
