What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
