you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize