is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
