I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
