respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
