Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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