Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
