I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
