Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
