the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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