I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
