Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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