so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
