Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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