Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
