I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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