If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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