This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
