Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize