Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
