I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
