Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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