he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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