at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
