Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
two words...techno handjob
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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