You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
