no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
