Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
