Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Someone signed my nipple.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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