I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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